JD tells the story of her grandmother on her father's side
JD in hands-out equal poseJD分享的故事中的英文和中文以及照片均由她本人提供。依据完整读完故事的设定这次中英文分开放，以免读的时候感觉不连贯。作为这项活动的发起者陶理（本名：缪鑫，英文名：Hermione，陶理是笔名）在征得JD同意的基础上，对段落布局做了符合手机阅读的排版，最后也附上了个人评论。The story in English and Chinese as well as the photo drawings are all provided by JD and this time English comes first and then the Chinese to ensure you have a full story reading at one time. The paragraphs are edited to be better for your reading via phone. It ends with Hermione's comment.
International Women’s Day 2020 #EachForEqualWhen I first encountered this topic, my mind naturally did a quick scan of many strong and independent women I know of. There was a schoolmate who gave up her career in China but managed to build another one in the UK in a short span of time; there was a friend who finally called it a day with her bullying boss and carved out her own entrepreneurial path; there was a supervisor who had always kept honest and humble to her academic interests through difficult times and now enjoys an enviable balance between career and family… In them I saw courage behind the vulnerabilities, competence behind the compromises, and persistence behind the humility. I believe many modern women share these qualities nowadays. Regardless of gender, we each have our own weaknesses to overcome and challenging decisions to make as human beings. But the truth is that women innately are just as able as men to be tough, to be wise, to survive and to conquer, to lead and to succeed. However, something held me back from writing about these modern women I know of, not because they are not representative enough, and not least because their cases are not eloquent enough in their own way. I just felt that on a topic so close to my heart, one that talks about female empowerment and gender equality, I should write about a woman equally close to my heart. And the person I keep thinking of is my grandmother. My grandmother is no modern woman. In fact, she is far from this concept. In the 1930s, my grandmother married into my grandfather’s family in a mountainous village in southern China at the age of four. She was a child wife and was 'incorporated’ into my grandfather’s family as an additional farming labour from an even more remote village. She was raised in the new family as the future wife of my grandfather, but she never received any education and she has been illiterate. She worked as a farmer all her life together with the rest of the family, and has had six children, my father included. I cannot imagine how tough life could get during the old days of the Great Leap Forward and the Great Famine in the isolated rural areas, having had to work extremely hard physically in the rice fields, gone through so many child births and raised all her children on so little food, and kept a rural household on very limited livelihoods. In the era where survival meant everything and material life was whether one could mix some grains of rice into the sweet potato porridge as a family meal, it seems that the capacity of her role as a woman will not lend much of an angle to discuss feminism in a positive light. She was a child wife who could not make the decision for herself; she was deprived of education and means to information; she was a teenage mother who probably parented her children on the mere grounds of bringing them up alive; she had no choice but to work really hard as a farmer from her childhood right into her 70s. But it was clear to me that my grandmother was strong and resilient to have gone through the hardship of poverty and deprivation without being defeated by life.Then people’s life took a turn as the country took a turn. Time came when my grandmother’s children - my father, my uncles and aunts started working in cities. In the earlier stage, most of my father’s generation in the village remained as farmers while very few were able to make to college and vocational schools in cities before they ended up working for state-owned enterprises and government bodies. Later on, a lot of the farming labour also left the village and became migrant workers in the factories of coastal cities, all happening as China’s socioeconomic structure underwent huge transformation. My grandmother was very busy during this time as she started to have grandchildren - grandchildren whose parents were both working, either in the rice fields of the village or in the office buildings of different cities. All of her children wanted her support in child care (me included). She came to take care of me for a couple of times, each time staying with us for a few months during my nursery years and early primary school years. For quite a few years around that time she has been shuffling among cities in different provinces and then back and forth to the village, living with different families that her children went on to build each on their own, and getting adapted to different environment, communities, and characters. My memories of spending time with my grandmother has always been heart-warming ones. She is a very loving and caring lady, all the while being so competent with housework and willing to go along with my parents’ style of living and parenting. She took great care of me in place of my parents when they are at work and she also took care of my parents as their mother. From a young age I’ve known that my grandmother is illiterate, and with a simple assumption that she must have been curious about school, I liked talking to her about what I had learned in classes. I would read the essays from my Chinese textbook to her, thinking this could make up for the school time she missed. She had mixed excitement and uncertainty, and she would say in awe that “you already know this many characters?”. When I started taking English lessons after school and reciting “This is an apple. That is a pear”, she came over and looked at my book with great sense of novelty, and then with somewhat a sadness of loss, said “I can’t even recognize Chinese characters, and here you are learning a new language!”. But I know her deep reverence on education was decisively shown by her fixation on my homework: how I must finish it on time, how I must remember to take it with me to school, and how I must ask my teachers how I did. She might have wondered, for herself, how she would have done if she had had the chance. At times my grandmother got lonely living in the city and missed the farming work in the village. To fill the restful afternoon time she would tell me all kings of village tales from when she was young, how she married into the family as a child wife, how she struggled to find her bearings in the big family, but mostly how hard she had to work in the fields. I was too young to tell what had gone through her mind as she reflected her past stories to me. But one thing I am sure now is that she told those stories without any judgment on life or on herself or had any standpoint to pass on to me - funnily I’ve always regarded these to be the defining qualities of great educators. There was once, when I was in middle school and I went back to the village for Chinese New Year, that I really understood my grandmother and her life as a farmer for the first time. We walked in the winter sun from our cottage to the ridge of the rice fields. I was looking at the different patches of land, some had been prepared for spring seeding, some still left to rest during slack season, and I asked my grandmother casually, “Grandma, how do you grow rice over the year?”. It was a student-ish question, and I asked purely out of curiosity. What my grandmother said next astonished me. It was an unbelievably thorough account of a 12-month agricultural activity log with all the details: what to do, how to do, what problems to look out for, how to trouble-shoot accordingly, how to plan and prioritize, and how to use your headcount. She did not treat this question with any pondering or hesitation, as if the technical complexity and the broadness of the topic did not exist at all. how to prep the soil, how to sow, how to look after the seedling, what common problems to happen to the seedling, and the risks with the weather…to summer: how to do fertilizers and pesticides, how to rush-harvest and rush-plant in July, how important weather is when sunning the grains;then the autumn second batch of sowing and harvest; and then in winter soil rest and prep again. A lively picture of rural life and work scrolled open in front of my eyes. I listened to her coherent and vivid explanation for about 20 minutes, and I felt I’ve never listened to a better class, nor have I ever seen her in this capacity. She spoke with such clarity and precision, and I witnessed her articulation in a totally new light. Her stride of confidence as an experienced farmer inspired me – a young student at the time – to recognize what 'expertise’ really meant no matter what role education had to play in it. Life itself builds and shapes one’s expertise. I live in a different country now, very far away from the rice fields and far away from my grandmother. Every time I drove past the vast wheat fields on the motor way, or hiked through some farming land, or even did gardening in my own yard, I would think of that lovely rice-growing account given by my grandmother in her most comfortable skin. She is 90 this year and I would go back to see her every year while I’ve been living abroad. Every time she had to complain to me about me being too far away, or how the family had stopped her from doing farming work. Few years ago she alone prepped a small plot of land behind my grandfather’s tomb and started growing peanuts on it. She said, “I’ve always wanted to grow peanuts here but your granddad didn’t think it would have a good yield. Now I’m going ahead with my plan and he would see my outputs.” She had had some good harvest and happily shared her results of labour with everyone. But then my cousins got worried about her hypertension and then she subsequently stopped. Sometimes she would make some remarks about me being in my 30s and still unmarried, but then she would laugh and say, “But I know you will always make your own mind up and make things good. After all you are strong-willed and naughty since young.” My grandmother was just my loving grandmother when I was young, but I grew up to increasingly recognize her as a special character. The story I share about her – a traditional Chinese old lady who belongs to generations before us, who lived her life on land as a farmer, who couldn’t choose her education or her marriage – is not about compare and contrast of our lives. I grew up in cities in comfortable surroundings; attended excellent schools and could pursue post-graduate studies in a foreign country; I could choose my partner and choose my marriage. I had the choices and I had the capabilities to choose. I’m much more fortunate than my grandmother, yet I’m still hugely inspired by her and I admire her deeply. As a women having lived with many deprivations, she demonstrated great strength, resilience and wisdom in the stark stare of life, and I often think that I wouldn’t be here without her being herself. Though life has treated her with harshness and unfairness, she still shares her care and kindness to others, still has the warm heart that acknowledges me to be different and recognizes me as who I am. I will never forget what I have today, what we modern women have nowadays, are derived from but cannot mask the sufferings, sacrifices, and compromises made by the women in the past. Women have always been strong, resilient and wise in our own ways in history chapters and under different social institutions. We must not forget that the support we offer each other will drive us closer to what we aim to achieve, and the love we have for each other will allow us to progress no matter what different paths we are on.当我初遇这个主题，我的脑海中自然地闪现过那些我所认识的坚强而又独立的女性：有一位放弃了国内的事业来到英国的同学，短时间内再次找到了她的领域；有一位好友终于鼓起勇气离开压榨她多年的老板，自己独立开创新的商途；有一位导师在她的学术领域虚心自得地耕耘多年，享受着事业和家庭令人羡艳的平衡丰收… 在她们的身上我看到的是柔弱背后的勇气，妥协背后的能耐，和谦逊背后的坚持。不论性别，做为人，我们都有自己需要克服的弱点和必须作出的艰难抉择。然而事实是，女人天生就跟男人一样坚韧、睿智，有能力去生存和征服、去领导和成功。
然而总有些什么让我犹豫去写这些成功的摩登新女性，不是因为她们代表性不够，更不是因为她们的故事没有足够的意义和分量。我只是觉得在一个深得我心、探讨女性赋权和性别平等的主题上，我应该去写一个跟我距离更近一点的女人。早在30年代的南方偏远山村，年仅四岁的奶奶就嫁到我爷爷家中。对那时候的农村来说她是个童养媳，也是这个家庭从更偏远的山区招募来的劳动力。虽然作为未来的儿媳被养大，奶奶从未接受过教育，一辈子都不识字。她和全家人一样是个农民，生养了六个子女，大半辈子都在农地里的艰辛劳作中度过。我无法想像在大跃进和饥荒岁月中的闭塞农村里，她吃了多少苦受了多少罪，既要负担繁重的农活，还要用不足的生计和短缺的粮食生育养活这么多子女。在那个生存即是一切的年代，一个物质生活的全部概念就是能不能在红薯粥里多掺一些米的岁月，奶奶作为一个女人的身份看似不足以拿来从正面的视角探讨女权主义。她是个无法为自己做决定的童养媳，被剥夺了受教育的权利和获得信息指引的途径，她是个可能只想过把孩子养活而已的未成年妈妈，她毫无选择地从孩童时期一直到晚年都以一个农民的身份劳作和生活。但是对我来说明确的一点是，奶奶从贫穷和困顿中坚强地走了过来，她没有被生活打败。在新时代，我奶奶的子女，我爸爸包括在内，都到了城市里工作。在早期，农村里我父辈里的大多数人都还是农民，只有少数能通过逐渐恢复的教育和高考走进城里的大学和职业学校，从而开始在国企、政府和事业单位工作。到后来，随着中国社会经济的转型改革，农村里的很多劳动力都离开了乡下辗转到沿海城市的工厂里谋生，成了后面所知的农民工。我奶奶在那一段时间挺忙的，因为她开始有孙辈了。而她的子女们不管是在城里还是在乡下，因为夫妻双方都需要全职工作，于是都希望她能帮忙看管孩子。我也包含在其中。奶奶来带过我好几次，大概是在幼儿园和小学初期，每次都和我们住上大半年。那几年间她辗转于几个不同省市，来回于城里乡下，跟随她不同的子女们自己建立的新家庭一起生活，适应着不同的环境和社区，习惯着不同的风俗人格。
她是一个充满爱心和关怀的老太太，对家务很能干，对于我父母那一辈的生活习惯和教育方式也很配合。她在我父母事业忙碌而无暇顾及的间隙里把我照顾得很好，同时她作为母亲也照顾着他们。从很小的时候起我就知道奶奶不识字，我单纯地假设她一定对学校感到好奇，于是我常常告诉她我在课堂里学了什么，念课文给她听，我觉得这样就能弥补她错失的校园时光。有时她既有些兴奋又有些无措地感叹：“你已经认识这么多字啦？”我在课外报了英语兴趣班，在家背“This is an apple. That is a pear.”的时候她会过来新奇地看着我的课本，然后又好像怅然若失地说“奶奶一个大字不识，你都学外语了呢！”。但是她对教育这件事最深的敬畏体现在她对于家庭作业的执着。她常教我要按时写作业，常提醒我记着带好作业本，还叫我一定要问老师我作业做得如何。有时候我觉得奶奶会对城里的生活感到寂寞，她会想念在农村田里的时光。在悠闲懒散的下午她会说给我听一些村里的老故事，她是怎么嫁到这个家当童养媳的，她怎么在原不属于自己的家寻找方向，但更多的还是地里的农活是多么苦多么累。我当时太小，不知道她跟我重叙她过去的日子的时候，脑海里都想了些什么。但有一点我是确定的，她对这些事和她自己是没有鉴定的，她也没有传递给我任何的立场和做派——有趣的是我一直把这两点视为出色教育者的决定性品质。有一次过年回老家山村，那是我第一次认识到奶奶作为农民的身份。我们在冬日的阳光里走到田埂边上，我看着一块块的田地，有的已经为了春种翻犁好了，有的还在农歇。我漫不经心但又确实好奇地问她：“奶奶，大米到底是怎么种出来的呀？”那是一场一年十二个月全面的农务报告，里面的细节难以置信：要做什么，该怎么做，会有哪些问题，怎么解决问题，如何计划和优先，如何利用人手。奶奶没有任何的沉思和犹豫，就好像这个问题里包含的复杂技术和广泛涵盖都不存在。她从春天开始，以冬天结束，讲述了稻谷从春天翻地、播种、扶苗，夏天施肥、杀虫、双抢，早秋晒谷、晚秋收成，腊月地闲时的农活，等等，一系列农村生活和劳作的画卷就在眼前展开。我听着她流畅生动的讲解足足20多分钟，当时觉得从没有听过这么好的课，也从没有看过她这样的表达姿态。她的说辞非同一般的明晰和准确，我在她的表述中重新认识了她，一个经年老农所具有的自信与阔步；也启发了我作为一个年少学生对于“专长”的认识，不论所受教育在其中的分量，生活本身塑造一个人的专长。我现在生活在一个不同的国家，距离我老家的田野和我的奶奶很远。每一次当我在高速公路开车经过大片摇曳的麦田，或者在乡间远足走过宁静的田园景象，抑或是在自己的院子里做园艺活，我总会想起那段和我奶奶在田埂上愉快的对话，那时候的她似乎是存在于自己最熨帖的身份里。奶奶今年90岁，在我海外生活的每一年我都回家看她。每一次她都会抱怨说我离得太远了，或者是家人不准她继续下地干活，她觉得有些无趣。几年前，她一个人在我爷爷的墓地背后开垦了一小块地，并种起了花生。她说：“我一直想在这里种花生的，可是你爷爷不让，说不会有什么收成的。现在我可以种了，收成也摆在他面前了。”她丰收过好几次，还开心地分给大家享受她的劳动成果，可后来我的表亲们担心她的高血压，于是就不了了之了。有时候她也对我说，担心我30多了还没结婚，但过了一会她又会笑着说：“你反正自己已经想好了，你自己管好自己，我知道你小时候起就不听话，劝不住。”在我小时候，我奶奶就是爱我的奶奶，然而我越成长越觉得她是一个特别的人物。我分享这些关于她的故事——一个来自过去好几辈的老太太，一个生活在土地上的农民，一个无法选择她的教育和婚姻的女人——并不是来与我们现在的生活去比较对照。我在城市里舒适的环境中长大，上的都是出色的学校还能到海外继续求学，我能自由选择我的伴侣和婚姻。我比我奶奶幸运多了，但我仍然被她鼓舞，对她感到深刻的崇敬。对一个从多重贫困和缺失中一路走来的人，她在生活最冷酷的耽视下展现的是她的力量、韧性和智慧，而我总认为没有她的这些品质就不会有我此刻的存在。生活曾经对她严酷不公，可她依然欣然地分享她的关爱和善良，依然有一颗承允我的不同、认可我的个性的温暖的心。我永远不会忘记作为一个女人我今天所有的一切，我们现代女性当今享有的，蕴含着但却无法掩盖的是过去的女性所有的忍耐、付出、与牺牲。女人不论在历史哪一个章节，不论在怎样的社会制度下，一如既往地拥有着我们独特的坚强和聪慧。我们不要忘记，我们对彼此的支持推动着我们向目标迈进，而我们对彼此的爱让我们接纳各自的成长与进步，不论我们正走在怎样不同的道路上。
JD、Liao和我是在2018年一门叫做讲故事的课里遇到的，不用我多说，她们俩都非常会讲故事。我常常觉得备受推崇的当代女性品质不是局限于我们现在这个时代，也不囿于学历高低，本质是在于对于自己生活的负责。这个负责可以是在乡间田野，也可以是在象牙塔中，也可以是其他任何地方。这两周很厚脸皮地一直骚扰我的朋友们，正是因为我知道她们能成长为如此优秀的人，成长过程中一定也见过些闪闪发光的人儿。趁着国际女性日的主题是#每个人的平等，我也很希望一些甚少被人讲述的故事可以得到机会呈现，而不是只有大人物才被记述。我们不忘记她有一种方式，就是让她身上的美好品质也逐渐成为你身上的闪光点。JD、Liao and I first met each other at a course called storytelling skills in 2018, no need to say, they are both great storytellers.I always think the qualities we value in modern woman are not just our generation in this time and age, education does not make the significant difference, the nature is to be responsible for your life. Your responsbility can be either in the rural fields or in academic fields, or somewhere else.
Having been shameless to bother my friends for weeks, as I know there must be someone who inspires them to become such excellent human beings. It is timely that this years' IWD is #EachforEqual. I also hope the unsung story can be presented, not just the big ones.
We have one way to not forget her, let the traits we see on her gradually become the sparkling points people can see on you.
See more post in #EachforEqual (all in both English and Chinese）:
|
