双语原稿 | 那些懂得求助别人的人，都过得很好

你需要帮助吗？金妍妍（YeYoon Kim）曾是一名幼儿园教师，她从学生身上了解到寻求支持是多么强大和勇敢。在分享她生命中最困难的一个时期的故事时，Kim探讨了在需要的时候依靠你所爱的人所能带来的幸福和快乐，并鼓励我们其他人开始更多地寻求帮助。

演讲者：YeYoon Kim

演讲题目: What kids can teach adults about asking for help

中英文对照翻译

What can we learn from children about being better humans? They re fiercely loyal to their friends, fast to defend, quick to apologize and swift to forgive. But as a past kindergarten teacher -- always a kindergarten teacher at heart -- I want to share with you a surprising lesson I learned from them about being asked for help.

为了成为更好的人，我们能从孩子身上学到什么？他们很快就原谅了他们的朋友，而且很快就会为他们的朋友道歉。但作为一个曾经的幼儿园老师——我的内心永远是一个幼儿园老师——我想和大家分享一个我从他们那里学到的，关于被请求帮助的令人惊讶的一课。

I love human behaviors -- how we act differently in different situations and environments -- and these cute five-year-olds with their adorable cheeks and the perfect height to give warm, morning hugs to and almost a competitive love for high fives, were so interesting.

我喜欢研究人类的行为——我们在不同的情况和环境下的不同行为——这些可爱的五岁孩子有着可爱的脸庞和完美的身高，能够在早晨给人温暖的拥抱，而且几乎对高五有着竞争性的热爱，真是太有趣了。

My first class was called a Mars class. I had 10 students, and each were so full of character. But there was this one kid I ll never forget. Let s call him Sam. Sam behaved like he forgot he was only five. He was so independent. Not only did he know how to tie his own shoelaces, but he knew how to tie other kids  shoelaces too. He also never took home a dirty thermos, because he would clean it after his lunch.

我接手的第一个班叫火星班。我有10个学生，每个人都很有个性。但有一个孩子我永远不会忘记。我们叫他山姆吧。山姆表现得好像忘了他才五岁。他很独立。他不仅知道如何系自己的鞋带，而且也知道如何系其他孩子的鞋带。他也从不把脏水瓶带回家，因为午饭后他会把它清理干净。

如果发生什么事，他需要换衣服，他会非常安静和谨慎地自己做。他自己也不怎么寻求帮助，但他是同学们求助的对象——比如，他能帮他们吃完泡菜吗？因为太辣了。他不喜欢对老师表现出任何的爱慕之情，给人的印象是“酷小子”。

If you gave him a good-morning hug, he would roll his eyes and make a funny face as to show discontent, but also stand there and wait if he didn t get his morning hug. He was so smart and reliable that even I would forget that he was only five.

如果你给他一个早上好的拥抱，他会翻白眼，做一个滑稽的表情来表示不满，但如果早上没有拥抱他，他也会站在那里等着。他非常聪明可靠，连我都忘了他只有五岁。

作为一名新手教师，我花了很多时间观察更有经验的教师如何与学生互动。我注意到一些很奇怪的事情。通常，当孩子摔倒时，他们不会马上哭。他们会站起来，困惑不解，好像要下决心——比如，“刚才发生了什么事？”“这件事够我哭的吗？这疼吗？这是怎么回事？”

Usually kids will be OK until they lock eyes with an adult: one that they trust and know can do something for them. Eyes lock, and then, they burst out in tears. When I noticed this, I so wanted it to happen to me, because to me, that meant that you had earned a kid s trust and had proven that you re capable to help them with anything. You were a hero to them.

通常孩子们都会没事的，直到他们和一个成年人对视：一个他们信任并知道可以为他们做点什么的人。眼睛一眨，就哭了起来。当我注意到这一点时，我非常希望它发生在我身上，因为对我来说，这意味着你赢得了一个孩子的信任，证明了你有能力帮助他们做任何事情。你是他们心目中的英雄。

Weeks went by of me just watching other teachers have kids run to them in tears, and I d watch in jealousy. Oh, was I jealous. I mean, of course I didn t want the kids to fall, but I really wanted that moment of validation that yes, I had earned a kid s trust enough to be the one to help them.

几周过去了，我只能看着其他老师让孩子们哭着向他们跑去，而我会嫉妒地看着。 哦，我嫉妒。我的意思是，当然，我不希望孩子摔倒，但我确实希望得到验证的那一刻，是的，我赢得了孩子的信任，足以成为帮助他们的人。

后来，事情终于发生了。那是一个美丽的日子。那是在室内操场休息的时候。孩子们在玩，我在隔壁的老师房间里买了些东西，因为老师们总会屯点东西。然后我听到一个孩子喊道：“老师，老师，萨姆摔倒了。”于是我走到山顶，四处寻找萨姆，他就在那儿，看上去很困惑，好像他在试图做两位数的加减法。

Then he looked at me, our eyes locked, and then it happened. His lower lip started to tremble and his tiny eyes started to fill with tears. Then he burst out in tears running towards me, and it was glorious. I ll never forget that moment. He let me give him a big hug to help him calm down, and it turns out that yes, he did trip over his own two feet so there was no one other than the floor to reprimand. We checked to make sure that he wasn t hurt and he overcame that with not even a bruise.

然后他看着我，我们的眼睛紧锁，然后事情发生了。他的下唇开始颤抖，他的小眼睛开始充满泪水。然后他突然大哭起来，朝我跑来，真是太光荣了。我永远不会忘记那一刻。他让我给了他一个大大的拥抱，让他冷静下来，结果证明，是的，他确实绊倒了自己的两只脚，所以除了地板，没有其他人可以训斥。我们检查了一下，确保他没有受伤，他克服了这一点，甚至没有一点瘀伤。

It was in that moment, oddly -- it didn t feel like I was there to help Sam, but rather he was giving me this gift, this opportunity to help him. And it s something very weird that I struggle putting down in words. With his vulnerability in coming to me for help as if I could do something about it, you would think that gives me the power, but in that moment, no, it was quite the opposite, and the power shifted even more so to him.

奇怪的是，就在那一刻，我觉得我不是来帮助萨姆的，而是他给了我这个礼物，这个机会来帮助他。这是一件很奇怪的事，我很难用语言表达出来。因为他很脆弱，向我寻求帮助，好像我能做点什么似的，你可能会认为这给了我力量，但在那一刻，不，恰恰相反，权力转移到了他身上。

Being asked for help is a privilege: a gift for you to do something for someone, especially when it s coming from their place of vulnerability.

被请求帮助是一种特权：它是可以帮助你为某人做某事的礼物，尤其是当它来自脆弱的地方时。

那些我从幼儿园学到的东西，或者说是在“教学”幼儿园学到的东西，也帮助了我处理很多生活中的问题。9年后，我进入了一个项目管理专业人士协会，在这个协会里，我经常地与志愿者合作。

与志愿者一起工作是一种美妙的经历，但有些事情我希望能得到提醒，比如如何设定界限。因为你很容易会陷入“因为他们是志愿者”的陷阱。就像深夜电话？

Yes, because they re volunteers and have day jobs. Business trips that are almost exclusively only on weekends? Yes, because they re volunteers and have day jobs. Not to pat myself on the back, but I got quite good at my job. I was thriving off of the relationships I was building. And the best way I knew how to judge whether I had earned someone s trust was if they would come and ask me for help. I loved it.

是的，因为他们是志愿者，有本职工作。几乎只在周末出差？是的，因为他们是志愿者，有本职工作。不是自夸，但我的工作做得很好。我靠着建立的人际关系而茁壮成长。我知道如何判断我是否赢得了别人的信任，最好的方法就是他们是否会来找我帮忙。我很喜欢。

每次我们做年终务虚会，谈论下一年我们想做什么，我的关键词总是“帮助”或“有帮助”。

The problem was that I wasn t being just helpful. Over time, I put more and more pressure on myself to always be busy and to always do a good job. Soon my self-worth became associated with my performance at work, which is basically a recipe for disaster. But don t worry, because I had the best coping mechanism, which was denial, distraction with even more work and drinking -- and lots of it.

问题是我不仅仅是在帮忙。随着时间的推移，我给自己施加了越来越大的压力，要求自己总是很忙，总是把工作做好。很快，我的自我价值感与我在工作中的表现联系在一起，这基本上是一个灾难的处方。但别担心，因为我有最好的应对机制，那就是拒绝，更多的工作和喝酒分散注意力——还有很多其他的妙招。

I was so busy being helpful and independent and being a great Sam that I forgot how to ask for help when I needed it. All I had to do was ask, and if I truly believed that asking for help was a gift, then I should have been doing it more, right?

我忙于帮助别人，独立工作，做一个伟大的山姆，以至于我忘记了在需要帮助的时候如何寻求帮助。我所要做的就是请求，如果我真的相信求助是一种本能，那么我应该做得更多，对吧？

Well, we don t always practice what we preach, but about two years ago, I was slapped with a big, fat reminder. To say that I was burned-out at the time was an understatement, but thanks to my coping mechanism, drinking, it looked like I was just having a great time. But one day, just like Sam in the playground, I tripped over my own two feet.

好吧，我们并不总是实践我们所宣扬的，但大约两年前，我被打脸了。说我当时精疲力尽是轻描淡写的，但多亏了我的应对机制，喝酒，看起来我只是玩得很开心。但是有一天，就像在操场上的萨姆一样，我被自己的两只脚绊倒了。

I blacked out and woke up with a big cut on my foot from broken pieces of glass, eyes swollen from crying and a voice so hoarse that I d most likely been wailing. I don t have much recollection of what actually happened, but I remember feeling frustrated, sad and afraid.

我昏倒了，醒来时脚上被碎玻璃划伤了一个大口子，眼睛因哭而肿起来，声音沙哑，我很可能一直在哭。我不太记得实际发生了什么，但我记得当时我感到沮丧、悲伤和害怕。

Now you ve known me for only about 10 minutes, but you can probably tell that this was really not like me, so when I came to my senses about what had happened, I was in shock. There was no other way of saying it other than that I needed help, both in the sense of I needed some type of therapy help, but also help in getting out of that situation.

现在你只认识我10分钟，你就可能知道这真的不像我，所以当我意识到发生了什么时，我震惊了。除了我需要帮助之外，没有其他的方式来表达我需要帮助，从某种意义上说，我需要某种类型的治疗帮助，但也有助于摆脱这种情况。

It was one of the lowest moments of my life, and even in that moment, my mind was running at hyperspeed into problem-solving mode. What do I do with this? If I don t fix this, then I m even more of a disappointment. If I don t resolve this, then I m even more of a failure.

那是我一生中最低沉的时刻之一，即使在那一刻，我的大脑也在以超高速的速度进入解决问题的模式。我该怎么处理这个？如果我不解决这个问题，那我就更失望了。如果我不解决这个问题，那我就更失败了。

Those are things that were running through my mind, and it didn t even occur to me that I could ask for help. I was surrounded by so many people who cared for me and wanted to help, but I just couldn t see them. Until finally, my good friend had to literally hold me by my shoulders and force me to ask for help.

这些事情一直在我脑海里闪过，我甚至没有想到我可以寻求帮助。我身边有那么多关心我、想帮助我的人，但我就是看不见他们。直到最后，我的好朋友不得不紧紧地抱着我的肩膀，强迫我寻求帮助。

“你能做到吗？”

“没有。”

“你需要帮助吗？”

“是的。”

“我能帮你吗？”

“是的。”

“我能让那些爱你和关心你的人也帮你吗？”

“是的。”

那是我长大后对老师的那种眼神交流。就这样，当我说“是的，你可以帮助我”的时候，我就感觉到一种希望的刺痛感和某种控制力的回归。

And if you think about it, isn t it so weird we spend all of childhood being so good at asking for help and are expected to grow up to be these self-reliant human beings and we get so good at it that we have to be reminded that it s OK to ask for help?

如果你想一想，我们整个童年都很善于寻求帮助，长大后会成为这些自力更生的人，我们变得如此擅长，以至于不得不提醒我们，请求帮助是可以的，这不是很奇怪吗？

Later, that moment helped me realize so many things. I m always so happy to help others and I love it. Why wouldn t others be willing to help me? And more importantly, why wouldn t I want others to feel the happiness and joy that comes from helping the Sams of the world?

后来，那一刻让我意识到很多事情。我总是很乐意帮助别人，我喜欢这样。为什么别人不愿意帮助我？更重要的是，为什么我不想让别人感受到，帮助这个世界上的山姆的快乐呢？

We all want to be the best Sams in life: to be strong, independent and self-reliant, but we don t always have to be. So let s start asking for help more often, because helping Sams is a privilege and a gift.

我们都想成为生活中最好的Sams：坚强、独立和自立，但我们并不总是这样。因此，让我们开始更多地寻求帮助，因为帮助Sams是一种特权和礼物。

Thank you.

谢谢。