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Lying on the sickbed in the second affiliated hospital of The Lanzhou University, I now and then looked out of the window overlooking the Huanghe River engulfed in the gorgeous night lights which coloured the whole city a beauty of vagueness and mist, making it a little enigmatic. The day for the operation is approaching, which I look forward to but at the same time fear its coming. Because I am looking forward to it, every minute seems an hour or even longer to me; because I am afraid of its coming, I constantly say to myself: the day is nearing to me. I don't know why, but I am always thinking that the day is a division day which will decide the style of the rest of my life, at least so in my view. It's but a simple operation, many friends told me so. But I still argue it's a divisional day. My caree, my life, my mind, all these seem to be changed after the day on which the operation will be carried out! I am not afraid of whether the operation will be successful or not. The medical technology will ensure its success. What I am afraid is whether my voice could be retained as before and how I should take my teaching career. And more than that. There is something that I can't or would not like to tell here but a man who really understand me would know what I want to say. The hospital is not a quiet and peaceful place, on the contrary, it's a place full of noises: crying, groaning, chatting, shouting, murmuring, video voices… come and go! Only in hospital can one realise the importance of health. Only in such a big hospital can one realise the difficulty in being treated by an expert! Only in sickness can one realise how treasurable a friend is! When future is veiled, everything appears veiled. Everything becomes unreliable and untrustworthy. The unchangeable is unchangeable but everything before the eyes are changeable, like the glistening rays on the Huanghe River, which never stop changing. |
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