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正文： We all know the importance of being a good listener and I am sure most of you believe you are good listeners. But is that enough? As a leader, and in life, being a GREAT listener is critical for optimum relationships. But it is not as easy as one might think. For example, when busy, stressed, annoyed or excited, are you just as attentive of a listener as you are when you are calm and centered? These are the times GREAT listening skills are needed most. 我们都知道成为善于聆听的人的重要性，我敢肯定，绝大多数人都认为自己是善于聆听的人。但这样就足够了吗？作为一个领导者，以及在生活中，成为一个善于倾听的人，对于最好的关系尤为重要。但这并非像人们想象的那么简单！举例，你在忙碌，紧张，生气，或者兴奋时，会和平静及情绪稳定时一样，还是一个周到的倾听者么？ Time and time again, I am called upon to work with highly experienced and successful leaders, quite confident in the quality of their business relationships, only to unveil invisible challenges and/or roadblocks caused by their listening skills. Here are just some of the more common situations often caused by less than GREAT listening skills: 一次又一次，仅仅是为了揭示是由于他们自身的倾听技巧所造成的无形的挑战和/或障碍，我被指派和那些有经验的、成功的领导者一起工作，而他们对业务关系的质量相当自信。下面是一些比较常见的情况，通常是由于倾听水平不高所造成的： - Repeating challenges 重复的挑战 - Repetitive complaining 重复的抱怨 - Lack of cooperation 缺乏合作 - Lack of accountability 缺乏责任感 - Lack of buy-in 缺乏自主性 - Reduced respect 降低尊重 - Blind misunderstandings 盲目的误解 - Reduced motivation 减低动机 - Avoided questions and problems 避免问题和难题 - Admitting mistakes 承认错误 I could go on but seriously, can you afford any of these? Here are the Top 6 Deadly Mistakes Made While Listening and some initial tips on how to “demonstrate” you are listening. “Demonstrate” is accentuated because intentions mean nothing – perception is everything. 我可以继续说下去，但严肃的讲，你能负担得起吗？以下是6个在聆听时会犯的致命错误，以及一些关于如何“示范”你在聆听方面的初步的建议。“示范”之所以突出，是因为意图意味着没有意义——感知便是一切。 1.Avoid judgment 避免判断 We all have inner thoughts that show up when we disagree, dislike or are bored and these thoughts block our listening ability. Most people will not read your mind but judgment can be felt. It can cause someone to feel defensive without knowing why and they will most likely shut down. Judgment is in the air like the tension after an argument. Instead, compassionately take genuine interest in understanding instead of judging. Get curious. 在持不同意见，不喜欢，或者厌倦时，我们都有展示内心的想法，而那些想法会阻碍我们的倾听的能力。绝大多数人无法读懂你的心思，但是，判断力是可以被感知的。这会让人在莫名其妙的情况下感到受到冒犯，他们就很可能会封闭内心的想法。判断，就像争吵后的紧张气氛一样，悬而未决。相反，同情是对理解感兴趣，而不是对判断感兴趣。很好奇。 2.Interrupting 打断他人 I know, I know, you have something really great to say or several questions!!! So what! Save it! It is their turn, let them have it!! 我当然知道，你确实有非常好的事情，或者问题要说。那又怎么样？保留吧！轮到他人，让他们去说出来！ EXCEPTION: Politely “intruding” is acceptable only when it’s in the best interest of the person speaking. That is acceptable when the talker is: 例外：有礼貌的“打断”，只有在说话的人最感兴趣时才可以接受。谈话者在如下情况下，是可以被接受的： ·Continually repeating themselves 持续重复自己 ·Completely off topic 完全偏离主题 ·Running out of time 时间耗尽 3.Problem Solving 问题解决 You are listening intently and you cannot help but trouble shoot in your mind or see the solutions as crystal clear, and as soon as they are done talking, if you can hold out that long, you offer out the solution. You are so excited because you have solved the problem. Woe, slow down a minute. Timing is everything and at this moment, solution is not the best answer. It can rob someone of the opportunity to learn or may not be what the person is even looking for. Take it slow. Acknowledge their situation and verbally validate their emotions before being the hero. This will help move them from an emotional state to a more logical state which will enable them to participate in the solutions and learn more. More importantly, while you are mentally trouble shooting as they speak, you are missing critical cues that tell you what they need. Maybe they just want to vent. If you solve too soon, you just deflated their reason for coming to you in the first place. Opportunity lost forever. Take your time. Give them what they need not what you need and give it when they need it or you will either repeat history or damage the relationship. 你全神贯注地听着，你忍不住会在脑海中出现问题，或者把答案看成是非常清晰，一旦他们说完了，如果你确实能坚持这么长时间，你就会给出解决方案。你是太兴奋了，因为你已经解决了问题。悲哀，慢一分钟。时间就是一切，此时此刻，给出解决方案并不是最好的答案。给出解决方案，会剥夺人员学习的机会，或者甚至可能压根就不是他所寻找的。慢慢来！在成为英雄之前，认可他们的处境，并口头确认他们的情绪。这将有助于将他们从情绪化的状态，转移到更合乎逻辑的状态，并使他们能够参与到解决方案里面，并学到更多。更重要的是，当他们在说话时，你在心理上予以问题解决时，你就错过了他们所需要的关键线索。也许他们只是想宣泄一下。如果你解决得太快，你就会把他们最先去找你的理由放在第一位。机会永远失去了。慢慢来！给出他们所需要的，而不是你所需要的，当他们需要的时候给到他们，否则，你要么会重蹈覆辙，要么你们之间的关系。 4.Asking questions 询问问题 The need to ask questions usually comes from premature problem solving. The risk is being perceived as interrogating. Let someone process their thoughts. Help them by acknowledging their situation and validating their emotions. This demonstrates you listened. Then ask questions and you’ll get better answers. 询问问题的需求，通常来自于过早的问题解决。风险被认为是审问。让某些人去处理他们的想法。通过认可他们的处境，和确认他们的情绪去帮助到他们。这说明你去倾听了！然后再去提问，你会得到更好的答案。 EXCEPTION: In emergency situations, ask needed questions and validate later. 例外：在紧急情况下，询问所需的问题，并在后面予以验证。 5.Sharing your experiences 分享经验 Do you believe it is great when you can relate to what someone is telling you as it causes you to reflect on your own situation? WRONG!!! Thinking about your own experience causes you to not hear all the talker is saying. Talking about your situation when they finish takes them off topic too fast and they will feel interrupted. Share your experience later and give them their full turn. 当你能理解别人所告诉你的事情时，你是否认为相当不错？你会让你反思自己的情况吗？错！！！思考自己的经历，会让你听不到讲话者在说什么。在他们快速地将话题带偏时，去谈论你的情况，只会让他们感到被打断了。后续，分享你的经验，并给他们充分的机会。 6.Changing the subject 转换话题 This is the deadliest of all listening mistakes. As obvious as it sounds, it happens all the time. It happens when one is short on time, bored, distracted or simply has no idea what to say next. It is viewed as being inattentive, uncaring and extremely rude and there is no backtracking here. To avoid this, stay present, focused, and genuinely interested in the conversation. If at a loss, acknowledge their situation and validate their emotions. Are you noticing a theme here? Should be; works every time! 这是所有的倾听错误里最致命的一项。听起来很明显，而且确实总是发生。当一个人时间紧切、厌烦、心烦意乱，或根本不知道下一步该说什么时，就会发生这种情况。这被视为不在意、不关心，以及极其的粗鲁，而且没有回旋的机会。为了避免这种情况，保持清醒，集中注意力，真正对对话感兴趣。如果无所适从，去认可他们的处境，并确认他们的情绪。你注意到这里的主题了吗？你应该注意到！每次都是这样！ Consciously focusing on avoiding these 6 deadly mistakes will help you connect better with everyone and will contribute to being perceived as a GREAT listener! 有意识去针对性地避免这6个致命的错误，将有助于你更好地与每个人进行联系，而且，在对于将你视作很好的倾听者方面，会有一定的贡献！ 【特别提醒】 |
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