嘴上说“走开”，心里说“别走”，回避型依恋者的独白

新用户3215VZtU 2022-02-02

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时而渴望甜甜的恋爱，时而只想一个人静静地呆着；

谈恋爱时明明喜欢着对方，却经常性忽冷忽热，或者害怕自己陷得太深；

内心敏感却总是什么都不说出口，时刻与人保持安全距离。

......

最近“回避型依恋人格（Avoidant Attachment Style）”成了热议话题，小U发现，它已经成了不少年轻人的“通病”！

这种人格其实很早就出现在了图书和影视作品中，像《追风筝的人》主人公阿米尔、热播韩剧《那年，我们的夏天》中的国延秀......或多或少都有回避型依恋人格的影子。

如果你已经怀疑自己但还不确定，跟着下面的漫画了解回避型依恋人格的8个信号，了解回避型依恋者的内心世界......

1. You are emotionally neglected in your childhood.

1. 你在童年时在情感上受到忽视。

Do you feel safer keeping your intense emotions to yourself?

当把强烈情绪深藏心中，你是否更有安全感？

Childhood neglect can be traumatic and often develops into an avoidant attachment style.

儿时受到忽视可能留下创伤性影响，还有可能导致回避型依恋。

According to Healthline, some parents might discourage their child from outwardly expressing both positive and negative emotions.

据Healthline报道，一些父母可能不鼓励他们的孩子对外表达自己的情绪，无论它是正面的还是负面的。

These parents may have ignored the needs of their child when they were emotionally vulnerable.

这些父母可能在孩子情感脆弱时忽略了他们的需求。

This is a sign of avoidant attachment because it conditions children to not only fend for themselves but also to hide their emotions and vulnerablities from others.

这是回避型依恋的一个标志，因为它使孩子不仅要自己安慰自己，而且对外隐藏自己的情绪和脆弱。

2. You tend to suppress your emotions.

2. 你压抑自己的情绪。

Were you taught to view emotional expressions as a weakness?

你是否曾被教导将情绪表达视作一个弱点？

Do you tend to bottle your emotions and internally punish yourself for being vulnerable?

你是否倾向于将你的情绪“封入瓶中”，并在内心惩罚自己的脆弱？

People with avoidant attachment are uncomfortable disclosing their vulnerabilities and they may look down on people who are more emotionally vulnerable than themselves.

回避型依恋者不愿意展露自己的脆弱之处，他们可能会轻视那些在情感上比自己更易受伤害的人。

3. You have trouble with emotional intimacy.

3. 处理亲密关系对你来说很难。

Do you have difficulty with emotional expression in relationships?

你在一段关系中很难去表达自己的情感吗？

Do you keep conversations on a comfortable surface level or take extended periods of me-time?

你是否倾向于将沟通维系在表层的舒适，并延长独处的时间？

When you have an avoidant attachment style you shy away from emotional closeness, afraid to reveal too much about yourself.

当你有回避型依恋，你会回避情感上的亲密，害怕暴露自己的太多信息。

You struggle with not wanting to need others for anything.

你竭力避免麻烦他人。

In relationships, this emotional distance can make other people confused, angry and they might even take it personally.

在人际关系中，这种情感上的距离会使其他人感到困惑、愤怒，他们甚至可能认为导致问题的原因是他们自己。

But the truth is it's actually a defense mechanism for you.

但事实是这是你保护自己的一种机制。

4. You have extreme boundaries.

4. 你有“不可侵犯”的边界。

This can go as far as restricting the amount of time you spend with others or refusing to share about certain parts of your life.

这可能限制你与他人相处的时间或使你拒绝分享你生活的某些部分。

We do want to emphasize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with boundaries.

我们想要强调的是，边界本身是没有任何问题的。

Having healthy boundaries is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.

拥有健康的边界对于维持健康的人际关系至关重要。

However, people who have excessive boundaries may appear distant or closed off.

然而，有过强边界感的人可能会显得疏离或封闭。

5. You have shallow relationships.

5. 你有着“浅层”的人际关系。

You like to keep relationships at a shallow level whether it be romantic or platonic?

你是否喜欢把爱情和友谊都维持在一个较浅的层面上？

In a romantic relationship, you may refuse to meet your partner's family or avoid topics that would turn the relationship into a more serious one.

在恋爱关系中，你或许会抗拒会见伴侣的家人或是回避会使关系变得更加严肃的话题和情形。

In a platonic relationship, you may refuse to go into emotional depth about yourself or have long conversations or see others that often.

在一段友谊中，你可能会拒绝深入了解自己的情感，或进行长时间的交谈，或经常与他人见面。

6. Strong independence.

6. 独立性强。

Are you extrmely independent and self-focused?

你是否非常独立，以自我为中心？

Independence by itself, isn't a bad thing.

独立本身不是什么坏事。

As children grow, they should be increasingly more comfortable with making decisions on their own.

随着孩子的成长，他们应该越来越习惯自己做决定。

However, when children are forced to become independent too early due to neglect, they may develop a strong need to always solve problems on thier own, rather than having developed a healthy level of self-sufficiency.

然而，当儿童由于被忽视而过早地被迫独立时，他们可能会发展出总是自己解决问题的强烈需求，而不是达到一种健康的自给自足的水平。

7. You have trust issues.

7. 你有信任问题。

Did you get the proper attention and care you deserved as a child?

你是否得到了作为一个孩子应得的关注和关爱？

If not, it's logical that you'd have a hard time trusting others throughout your life.

如果不是的话，你这辈子都很难相信别人，这是合乎逻辑的。

Even in adulthood, you struggle to trust even in those closest to you and will try to distance yourself from wanting or receiving affection from others.

即使在成年后，你也很难相信那些你最亲近的人，也会试图让自己远离想要或接受别人的爱。

8. You're critical, of yourself and others.

8. 你对自己和他人都很挑剔。

When you have the avoidant attachment style, you may often find faults in those around you

当你有回避型依恋时，你可能会经常在你周围的人身上找到缺点，

and this is more associated with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.

这与嫌恶型回避型依恋更相关。

As a result, it's easier for you to identify faults within yourself and others compared to positive qualities.

因此，与积极的品质相比，你更容易识别到自己和他人身上的缺陷。

社会心理学家埃里希·弗罗姆在《爱的艺术》中曾表达过这样的观点：

那些害怕不被爱的人，潜意识里真正害怕的是去爱别人。因为去爱，意味着在不知道能否获得回应前，奉献自己，希望我们的爱能激起爱人心中的爱。

爱是信心的行为，谁没有信心谁便没有爱。