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1.“You take me for a fool.” Eve’s eyes narrow as she looks straight at Eddie. "你可骗不了我。"爱芙眯缝起眼睛直勾勾地看着艾迪。 2.They face each other during their fourth couples session. 这是他们的第四次夫妻心理咨询了。 3.“You think you can gaslight me?! I know you’re fooling around.” “你以为能糊弄我？我已经知道你在乱来了。” 4."I’m not having an affair with Amy." Eddie shoots back. "我没有和艾米搞外遇。"埃迪反击道。  5.“She’s a great graphic designer, and we’re working together on the Sterling project." “她是一个很棒的平面设计师，我们正在一起为斯特林项目工作。” 6.“You mean to tell me that you were talking about that project at the company party last weekend? You were animated–more alive and attentive to her than when you talk to me!” “你是想告诉我，上周末你在公司聚会上还在谈论那个项目?”你很有活力——对她比你跟我说话时更有活力，更殷勤!” 7.“Well. She listens to me. You don’t. So yeah. Maybe I’m more animated.” “那是因为她肯听我说。而你根本不听。所以，对啊，也许当时我是更有活力。” 8.Eve enters this session and gets right into her betrayal belief without a pause. 爱芙进入这次咨询后一刻也没停直接就进入了关于背叛这件事。 9.Is Eddie having an affair with Amy? 艾迪真的跟艾米有外遇吗？  10.I have no way to know right now. 目前不得而知。 11.But we certainly won’t get much useful information when Eve’s excitement overwhelms her reason, when she’s in an "amygdala hijack" moment.1 但当爱芙的情绪压过了理智，处于大脑杏仁核阻断的状态时，我们肯定没法得到有用的信息。 12.Eddie says, "You keep accusing me. When you get worked up like this, I just back off. Anything I say gets you angrier...” 艾迪说，“你总是这样骂我。当你情绪上头的时候，我只好退后了。我说什么你都只会更生气...” 13.“...And your backing away from me proves to me that your story is fishier than ever,” Eve interrupts. “而你躲着我，这就证明了你的故事比以往任何时候都更可疑了。”爱芙打断说。 14.She looks at me. 她看着我。 15.“Tell him he’s gotta tell me the truth. Otherwise, it’s over. I can’t take it anymore!” “麻烦你跟他说，他必须说实话。不然，我们之间就完了。我再也受不了了。”  16.Eddie sits still, in a classic “stonewall” defensive stance.2 艾迪直直地坐着，处于一种典型的“石墙式”防御姿势。 17.Then he leans back into an expressionless wall. 后来，他往后一躺，面无表情。 18.This triggers Eve to ramp up further into amygdala hijack. 这让爱芙更加暴怒陷入杏仁核阻断状态。 19.I ask myself how I can lower the emotional volume in the room so they can begin to listen and to hear one another. 我问自己怎样才能缓解这个房间里的情绪风波，让他们能开始倾听，听得进去对方的话。  20.“Hey, guys. Let’s get some guardrails straight,” I speak "down the middle," to both. “好了好了，两位。让我们来捋一捋，”我在他们两人中调停说道。 21.“One: I’m not the arbiter of truth. Two: You can’t threaten the relationship in public or in private. Ever. Otherwise, you can’t reach safety or get to a secure, functioning relationship. Three: An important goal is to learn how you can emotionally regulate one another. Always ask, 'how can I help soothe the other?'Tossing accusations threatens your mutual security.” “一：我不是来断真相的。二：你们永远不要公开或者私下地去威胁一段关系。否则就永远也没法拥有一段安全可靠的关系。三：很重的一个目标就是要学会如何调整对方的情绪。要学会问，'我如何能安抚对方？’同时抛开哪些会威胁你们相互关系的指责。” 22."They’re not accusations if they're true!" Eve insists. “那些都是真话，就不算是指控！”爱芙坚称。 23."Not so!" Eddie insists. “才不是！”艾迪也坚持说。 24.“You quickly get paranoid, like when you accused me of buying my secretary an expensive birthday gift, when I actually bought you a 10th anniversary present!” “你一下子就多心了，就像那次你怪我给秘书买了一个很贵的生日礼物，而事实上那是买给你的十周年纪念礼物！” 25.I turn to Eddie. 我转向艾迪。 26.“Let’s try something. Can you lean in now—not back—and say something like, 'I’ve hurt you a lot. But I’m here for you now.'” “让我们来试试这个。你能不能往前坐_而不是靠着_然后说，'我知道我给你造成了伤害。但现在，我为你来到了这里。’” 27.And so they begin the painstaking "team" process of listening and hearing the other. 因此，他们开始了一个艰苦的“团队”过程，尝试倾听和听对方说话。  My Post-Session Notes 我的咨询后笔记 28.As I’m thinking about Eve and Eddie’s session, I notice it’s April 1st. 当我想起伊芙和埃迪的会议时，我注意到今天是4月1日。 29.I’m reminded of the history of the day. 我想起了这一天的历史。 30.April 1st is a day of pranks, playing jokes on others by disguising the truth. 4月1日是恶作剧的日子，通过掩盖真相来捉弄别人。 31.Perhaps the original day of fake news! 也许是假新闻的起源日! 32.I make the following notes for our next session: 关于我们的下一次咨询，我做了如下笔记： 33.Truth Disguised: Ancient Romans celebrated the festival of Hilaria at the end of March, when people dressed up in disguises. 伪装的真相:古罗马人在三月底庆祝希拉利亚节，那时人们会乔装打扮。 34.Similarly, April Fools’ Day could reflect the vernal equinox, or first day of spring (in the Northern Hemisphere) when Mother Nature fooled folks with changing, unpredictable weather. 同样的，愚人节也可以反映春分，或春天的第一天(在北半球)，大自然母亲用变化莫测的天气来愚弄人们。 35.Unpredictability shakes trust and safety between partners. 不可预测性会动摇伙伴之间的信任和安全。 36.Couples like Eve and Eddie who present with betrayal issues often feel that one partner disguises the truth and/or their real feelings. 像伊芙和埃迪这样的夫妻，存在着背叛的问题，他们经常会觉得其中一方掩盖了真相和/或他们的真实感受。 37.The other partner can easily feel victimized, and like a fool, or sucker. 另一方很容易觉得自己受到了伤害，像个傻瓜或者说失败者。 38.Note: get a history of early attachment insecurities (e.g., parent(s) who misattributed cause and effect, foundations of early paranoia, persecuting/punishing a child for arbitrary or inconsistent reasons). 注意:有早期依恋不安全感的病史(例如，父母错误地认为原因和结果，早期偏执的基础，任意或不一致的理由迫害/惩罚孩子)。 |
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