如何优雅地面对一段关系的结束？

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Sadhguru looks at why the end of a relationship often causes pain and explains how to gracefully move on with life in such a situation.

萨古鲁审视了为什么一段关系的结束经常会导致痛苦，并解释了如何在这种情况下优雅地继续生活。

Questioner: Namaskaram Sadhguru. Why is there so much pain when a relationship breaks? I’m not able to move on because it has left a vacuum in me.

提问者：萨古鲁您好。为什么一段关系结束时会如此痛苦？我无法继续前行，因为它在我内在留下了一个空洞。

Sadhguru: Do you see...right now, the fundamental life process within this body, it doesn’t need…it is interdependent – it is bound to be so. The physical nature of your existence is interdependent: you have to eat food, you have to breathe, you have to drink water, so many things – you need services, maintenance. But that which is generating this life seems to be a complete process by itself, it does not need anybody’s support – is it so? Do you think so? Do you feel so? Hmm? Yes, or no?

Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：你看到了吗……现在，这个身体里的基本生命过程，它不需要……它是相互依存的——它注定是这样。你存在的物质本质是相互依存的：你必须吃东西，你必须呼吸，你必须喝水，这么多事情——你需要服务、维护。可是那个创造这个生命的，它看上去本身就是一个完整的过程，它不需要任何人的支持——是不是这样？你这么认为吗？你这么感觉吗？嗯？是不是？

Participants: Yes.

听众：是的。

Sadhguru: It is so. So... what is it that needs… makes you in such a chronic need of another person? It is the nature of your thought, your emotion, maybe at a certain stage in your life, even your physical body. Now... physical body is one thing. You did not make it. You will see, if you as much get very interested in a book – you’re reading a suspense thriller - all your physical needs will disappear. Have you noticed this? Hmm? You’re just reading one trashy suspense thriller, but that’s enough – 2 hours you didn’t think of food, this, that, all the physical needs are just gone, isn’t it? So... very easily it can be transcended, if you wish to – I’m not saying you must, but if you wish to. The physicality can be mastered very easily, it’s not such a struggle.

Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：它就是这样。所以……是什么让你长期需要另外一个人？是你思想和情感的本质，可能在你生命的某个阶段，甚至是你的身体。看……身体是一回事，它不是由你所造。你会看到，如果你对一本书非常感兴趣——你读一本悬疑惊悚小说——你所有的身体需求都会消失。你注意到了吗？嗯？你只是在读一本垃圾悬疑惊悚小说，但那就足够了——两个小时你都没想过食物、这个、那个，所有的身体需求都没了，不是吗？所以……它非常容易被超越，如果你想——我不是说你必须，但是如果你想，物质性很容易被掌控，它并不是什么难事。

Now, the problems of loss are essentially psychological and emotional. So, the psychological structure of who you are, at least the psychological structure of who you are should be crafted by you, isn’t it? If you craft your psychological structure, would you make it into a miserable possibility, or a blissful possibility? If you did craft. I’m talking about what you intend for yourself. What you intend for your neighbor may be debatable. At least what you intend for yourself is not misery – no human being does that. So, obviously you did not craft your psychological process, or the psychological structure consciously the way you want it. Now, does it mean to say, 'pooff' if it drops tomorrow I’m not bothered, I’ll go on with life day after tomorrow. No, no, no, no, it’s not about that. It is just that you must live in such a way that you're willing to die for somebody right now, but if it so happens that they died tomorrow, not you, they died, you must be able to gracefully go ahead with life.

看，“失去”的问题本质上是心理和情感上的。所以，你的心理结构，至少“你是谁”的心理结构应该由你来打造，不是吗？如果你打造你的心理结构，你会把它打造成一个痛苦的可能性，还是一个喜悦的可能性？如果你确实打造了。我在问你想要自己如何，你想要邻居怎样也许颇有争议，至少你自己想要的不是痛苦——没人会那样做。显然你并没有有意识地按你想要的方式打造你的心理过程，或者心理结构。那是不是说，“噗”，如果明天它结束了，我没事，我后天会继续生活？不不不不，不是这样的。而是你必须这样活，就是现在你愿意为某人死，但是如果他们明天死了，不是你，是他们死了，你必须能够优雅地继续生活。

But today you must live like... you're willing to die for this person, genuinely so, otherwise, there is no sanctity to life. If you make this into a logical calculation, 'After all, I’m an independent piece of life, why do I need anybody?' – your life will become utterly ugly. You must live like, 'I cannot live without you.' But tomorrow, if it so happens – that’s tomorrow - if it so happens that person disappeared, either death, or he became free, or whatever, [Laughs] then you must see, this is an independent piece of life; but today if you see it, your life will become ugly.

但是今天你必须活得就像……你愿意为这个人死，真真切切，否则，生命就没有神圣性。如果你把这个变成一个逻辑的算计，“毕竟，我是一个独立自主的生命，我为何需要什么人？”——你的生命会变得非常丑陋。你必须活得就像“没有你我活不了”，但是明天，如果——那是在明天——如果那个人消失了，要么死了，要么自由了，或者别的什么情况，（笑）那么你必须看到，这是一个独立自主的生命，但今天如果你这么看，你的生命会变得丑陋。

So, people are not able to get this distinction; either they become ruthless philanderers, or they become so sappy and lost, they're not able to enjoy their relationships. Most relationships are only… they know some joy only in the beginning; after that, it’s one continuous complication and pain for most people, unfortunately. This is because you have not understood the nature, you have not experienced the nature of this one! [Referring to oneself] You’re trying to understand the nature of that one – it’s never going to happen.

所以，人们弄不清这个差别。他们要么变成无情的花花公子，要么变得如此伤感和迷茫，他们享受不了他们的关系。大部分的关系都只是……他们只在开始的时候尝到一丝喜悦，过后，它是一种持续的混乱和痛苦，很不幸对大部分人来说都如此。这是因为你还没有明白本质……你还没有体验到这个（指自己）的本质！你尝试去明白别人的本质——这根本不可能。

If you have a wonderful relationship, most of the time it’s because somebody else is wonderful. [Laughs] Bad way to live, isn’t it? You must have a wonderful relationship with everybody around you because of who you are, not because of who somebody else is. This is the choice you have: you can either let the world live under your shade, the comfort of your shade, or you can be always dying to get into some shade. That’s the choice every human being has.

如果你有一段美好的关系，大多数时候是因为别人很美好。（笑）这样活着很差劲，不是吗？你必须因为你的样子与身边的每一个人拥有美好的关系，而不是因为别人的样子。这是你的选择：你要么让世界活在你的“树荫”之下，你的“树荫”的舒适之下，要么你总是在渴望走进“树荫”。这是每个人都有的选择。

Isha视频链接：

space.bilibili.com/489162014