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Our Weddings, Our Worth HOW will the Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage alter the way Americans feel about the country, and how we feel about ourselves? 最高法院(Supreme Court)的同性婚姻裁决，会如何改变美国人对这个国家的看法，以及我们对自己的看法？ I can’t speak for everyone. But I can speak for this one 12-year-old boy. 我无法替所有人作答。但我可以为这个12岁男孩说几句。 He stands out among his siblings because he lacks their optimism about things, even their quickness to smile. He has a darkness that they don’t. He’s a worrier, a brooder. He’s also more self-conscious. He can’t get comfortable with himself. 他在自己的兄弟姐妹中显得不一样，因为他没有那种乐观的态度，甚至不像他们那么容易露出笑容。他有一种他们没有的阴沉。他是个忧虑、凝思的人。他还有更强的自我意识。总是觉得不自在。 And while this may be his wiring, it may also be something else. He has noticed that his heart beats faster not for girls but for other boys, and the sensation is as lonely and terrifying as it is intense. 这可能是天性使然，也可能不是。他已经察觉到，自己的心跳会因为别的男孩而加快，而不是因为女孩，这是一种孤独、恐怖但又炽烈非常的感受。 He doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s sure he’ll be reviled for it, because he hears all of the bigoted jokes that people aren’t necessarily aware that they’re telling, all of the cruel asides that they don’t always realize that they’re muttering. He craves some assurance that he’ll be spared their disdain and disgust. But the world hasn’t given him any. 他不知道该怎么办。他知道自己肯定会被斥责，因为他已经听过太多偏执的笑话，人们在说的时候未必知道那意味着什么，他们有时意识不到自己的牢骚有着何其残酷的一面。他在寻求某种保证，希望自己能躲过他们的嫌恶与憎恨。但世人拒绝给他这个保证。 I can speak for a 16-year-old boy. He has a word for what he is — “gay” or “homosexual” or something worse, depending on who’s talking — but he doesn’t have answers for what that’s going to mean. At the mall one afternoon, he surreptitiously breaks away from his friends and steals into a bookstore. He’s looking for something to quiet the fear inside him. 我可以为一个16岁男孩说几句。他知道有个词是说他这样的人的——“同志”(gay)或“同性恋”(homosexual)，还有一些更可怕的，取决于是从什么人嘴里冒出来——但他不知道这意味着什么。一天下午，在一个购物中心，他悄悄离开同行的朋友，溜进一家书店。他想寻找能平抚内心恐惧的东西。 He finds an examination of “being gay in America” that’s called “Alienated Affections.” The phrase rattles him. It sounds like a diagnosis or sinister prophecy. To understand it better, he riffles hurriedly through the pages, glancing over his shoulder repeatedly to make sure that no one’s watching, listening carefully for any approaching steps. 他发现了一个对“美国同性恋境遇”的调查，书名叫《疏离的感情》(Alienation of affections)。这几个字令他惶惶不安。听上去像是一个诊断，或是不祥的预言。为了对它有更多的了解，他匆匆翻阅起来，时不时扭头看有没有人在注视他，留意向他靠近的脚步声。 His nerve doesn’t last long; he manages to take in only a reference to drag queens, an explanation of bondage, an exploration of homoeroticism among prisoners. 他的勇气没持续多久；只够让他读到书中提及了一次“扮装王后”(drag queen)，解释了“绑缚”(bondage)，还探究了囚犯的同性肉欲。 These are his options? Feathers, chains or the chain gang? 这些就是他的选项？羽毛，铁链，或者跟其他人锁在一起？ The title of one chapter in particular catches his eye: “Beyond Gay or Gloomy: The Ordinary Miseries of Everyday Life.” Gloomy? Miseries? 其中有一章的标题格外惹眼：“超越同性恋或阴郁：日常生活的平凡苦难。”(Beyond Gay or Gloomy: The Ordinary Miseries of Everyday Life)阴郁？苦难？ He’s not sure he has the stomach for this, or the strength. 他觉得自己没有看下去的胃口或力气。 He closes the book, along with a bit of his heart. 他合上书，也合上了自己的心。 I can speak for a 20-year-old college student. He has opened up to his family and to many friends about who he is, not because he possesses any particular courage but because being honest involves less strain, less effort, than keeping secrets and dreading their exposure. Also because he wants to meet men like him, develop crushes he can act on, even fall in love. 我可以为一个20岁大学生说几句。他向家人和朋友公开了自己的身份，倒不是因为他格外有勇气，而是因为与其保守秘密，终日忧心于被暴露，落得个身心俱疲，还不如实话实说。也因为他希望能结识跟他一样的男人，产生能发展下去的好感，甚至相爱。 And so far, there’s been no terrible price. His family doesn’t wholly understand him, but they want and resolve to. For every friend who now keeps a distance, there’s another who draws closer. 迄今为止，他并没有付出什么可怕的代价。他的家人无法彻底理解他，但他们有去理解的意愿和决心。朋友中既有从此疏远的，也有越来越近的。 He’s overwhelmed with relief. 他感到莫大的宽慰。 But he wishes there were a way to be honest without wearing a tag, without being put in a category, without one adjective preceding all others when people describe him. Their tendency do so is a constant reminder that he’s not “normal.” 但是他希望在以真面目示人的同时，不要被扣着一个帽子，被归入某一类，他不想别人在描述他时，总在最前面加一个形容词。他们的这种习惯等于在不断提醒他，自己并非“常人”。 So are the laws of his land. It’s illegal in many places for two men or two women to have sex. It’s legal in most places for them to be fired because of who and how they love. Even the language in public discussions sends an ugly signal. People are congratulated for their “tolerance” of gays and lesbians. 他身处之地的法律也是这样。在很多地方，两个男人或两个女人的性行为是违法的。在多数地方，一个人施爱的对象与方式，可以成为被解雇的合法理由。连公共讨论中的语言都在释放不堪的信号。对同性恋男女的“宽容”成为一种值得夸耀的东西。 He is someone to be tolerated. 他是一个需要被容忍的人。 And he is always having to explain, to one inquisitive person after another, that he didn’t choose this path, that it’s not a statement or a caprice, that he neither rues nor relishes it, that it’s just there: fundamental, foundational, forever. The ritual grinds him down. 他要不断向一个又一个好奇的人解释，这条路不是他自己选的，这不是一种声张或任性，他既没有后悔，也不以此为乐，它就在脚下——一条原有的、根本的、永恒的路。这反复进行的问答是一种折磨。 I can speak for a 30-year-old man who owns and lives in a house in the suburbs with another man his age. They’re romantic partners. A couple. A white picket fence surrounds the yard behind their red brick colonial. It keeps the German shepherd from straying off. 我可以为一个30岁男人说几句，他和另一个跟他年龄相仿的男人住在郊区一座他自己的房子里。他们是情侣。是一对。这座殖民地风格的红砖房的后院，围着白色篱笆。这样就不怕他们的德国牧羊犬走丢了。 But this fantasy has been edited, abridged. The man and his partner have never spoken of children, because that would involve special, intricate arrangements and because most people don’t really approve. 但是，这种美梦般的生活是经过了修改和删节的。这名男子和他的伴侣从未提到过孩子的事，因为这件事会牵扯到特殊而复杂的安排，也因为大多数人不会真的赞同。 They have never hugged in the front yard, never kissed in front of a window, because what would the neighbors think? What would the neighbors do? 他们从未在屋前的草坪上拥抱，也不曾在窗前亲吻。要那样的话，邻居会怎么想？又会采取什么行动？ And while he thinks of these as minor adjustments, to the extent that he thinks of them at all, there’s a toll to such vigilance. It’s that old self-consciousness in a new form. And there’s a longing beneath it — to be appraised solely on the expanse and the limits of his talents, on the goodness he musters and the goodness he lacks. To be deemed and regarded as the equal of anybody else. 尽管他认为这些都只是细微的调整，以至于都不会真正去思考，这种小心翼翼也是有代价的。这是旧的自我意识的新表现形式。它的背后隐藏着一种渴望——希望人们在评判他时，只看才能的高超与局限、美德的发扬与缺欠。希望自己被视作与其他人平等的人。 I can speak for a 45-year-old man who marvels gratefully at the changes all around him. Although he himself doesn’t plan to have kids — he has too little energy at this point, and is too set in his ways — he sees many gay and lesbian couples starting families. If they live in the right places, they pretty much blend in. 我可以为一名45岁男人说几句。他在用感激而惊奇的态度看待自己身边的变化。尽管他自己并不打算要孩子——他目前精力不够，而且已经非常习惯自己的生活方式——他看到许多男女同性恋都建立了家庭。只要住对了地方，基本上不会显得碍眼。 But there are still wrong places, and there’s still plenty of oxygen for religious extremists who brand people like him wretched, evil, godless. In some countries, these extremists do more than brand. They kill, and it’s a horrific thing to know and to see. In the man’s country, the extremists don’t go that far, and they’re increasingly a minority, but they’re undaunted, unabashed and too often indulged. 但还是有不对的地方，给像他这样的人贴上“讨厌”、“邪恶”、“不信神”标签的宗教极端主义者，仍然有广阔的生存空间。在有些国家，这些极端主义者所做的不仅是贴标签。他们还会杀戮。了解和目睹这种事情是十分恐怖的。在这个男人所在的国家，极端主义者还没有那么过分，他们正在逐渐成为少数群体，但他们毫不畏惧、不知羞愧，时常受到纵容。 He wonders when he’ll see more cracks in that indulgence. It’s time. 他想知道，什么时候这种纵容能出现裂缝。现在时机到了。 In 2015, on the last Friday of a month fittingly associated with both weddings and gay pride, there’s something bigger than a crack. There’s a rupture. 2015年，在恰好与婚礼和同性恋游行相关的月份的最后一个周五，出现的不只是裂缝。是一次彻底决裂。 Following a few extraordinary years during which one state after another legalized same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court rules that all states must do so, that the Constitution demands it, that it’s a matter of “equal dignity in the eyes of the law,” as Justice Anthony Kennedy writes. 过去的几年是不同寻常的，一个接着一个的州实现了同性婚姻合法化；而现在，最高法院裁定所有州都必须这样做。正如大法官安东尼·肯尼迪(Anthony Kennedy)所写，这是宪法的要求，关乎“法律面前的平等尊严”。 I can speak for a 50-year-old man who expected this to happen but still can’t quite believe it, because it seemed impossible when he was young, because it seemed implausible even when he was a bit older, and because everything is different now, or will be. 我可以为一名50岁男人说几句。这是他的愿望，但他至今仍觉得难以置信，因为在他年幼时，这似乎根本不可能；因为当他年岁稍长时，这仍然显得不可想象；因为一切都发生了改变，或即将发生改变。 Tomorrow’s 12-year-old won’t feel the foreboding that yesterday’s did. Tomorrow’s 16-year-old will be less likely to confront, sort through and reject so many sad stereotypes of what it means to be gay or lesbian. 将来，12岁的孩子不会再像过去的孩子那样，对事情那么消极悲观；16岁的少年，应该也不大会需要对抗、探索和否定那么多关于同性恋的令人难过的刻板印象。 There won’t be so many apologies and explanations for the 20-year-old, 30-year-old or 45-year-old, and there won’t be such a ready acceptance of limits. There won’t be the same limits, period. 对于20岁、30岁和45岁的人，不会再有如此多的道歉和解释，人们也不会像现在一样准备接受相关的限制。将来不会再存在同样的限制，就是这样。 |
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