难处之人 | Dealing With Difficult People

网友：法师，想请教您，如果身边有素质比较低的人故意气自己，并影响到自己，劝说也无效，该怎么办？我一直控制不用暴力来解决这个问题。

学诚法师：火遇到油会燃烧，遇到水则会熄灭；他人只是外缘，烦恼的根源在自己心里。

Q：There is a badly behaving person who is always trying to bother me despite my requests to stop. It really affects me. I have always restrained myself from resorting to violence, but I do not know how to deal with the problem.

A：Fire flares up in oil and dies down in water. Other people are just external conditions, while the root of anger lies in your heart.

网友：今天在上班乘地铁途中，和旁边一位女士发生了冲突。她嫌我挤着她了，而我也很气愤，就这样发生了冲突。仔细观察我的念头，动怒是因为我有身见，怎样做到去除身见，做到平和呢？

学诚法师：寸步不让的，不过是脚尖大一块地方，却让怒气伤害身心，这是保护自己还是伤害自己？智者当思之。

Q：While taking the subway to work today, I had an argument with a woman next to me. She complained that I squeezed up against her, which made me so furious. Thinking back on it, I realize that I was angry because I was clinging to the concept of “I”. How do I get beyond this view of the existent body and maintain inner peace?

A：What you refused to yield was nothing but a tiny space, yet you let anger inflict damage on your mind and body. Is this self-protection or self-harm? Think it over, and you will make a wise decision.

网友：法师，我生活中有个特别自私、谄媚、特别不合作的人，怎么办？不合作也得合作，因为领导是不会把他调走的。

学诚法师：各人造业各人了，无论他人如何，自己好好做。更进一步，如果能在与他相处的境界中磨练自己的心性，则他对自己而言，便不再是恶缘，而是增上缘。

Q：I have a colleague who is selfish, brown-nosing, and uncooperative. My boss won't transfer him, so I have to work with him. What should I do?

A：Everyone must bear the fruit of their own karma. No matter how others behave, cultivate your own garden. Furthermore, if you learn to temper yourself when interacting with him, then he is no longer an unfavorable but a favorable condition for your growth.

网友：法师你好！和不卫生的人怎么相处啊？

学诚法师：言教不如身教，用自己的好习惯去影响他。必要的时候，帮他收拾卫生。真诚付出，时时用心，处处行善，坚持不懈。随着外在环境的明净，人的内心也会转变。

Q：Master, how do I get along with people who have poor personal hygiene?

A：Actions speak louder than words. You can set a good example through your own habits, and, if necessary, give them some tips on how to be clean. Offer your sincere support, and do them good persistently, whenever and wherever possible. When the outside becomes cleaner, so will the inside.

网友：法师，有女子半年内闹我，各种谩骂。讲理不通，回骂不成，不理她便越猖狂。对于这样心理不平衡的人，我该如何让她结束这种纠缠呢？

学诚法师：保持自己内心的平衡和平静。

Q：I have tried in vain to reason with a woman who has harassed me for the past six months. I even returned her hateful comments. When that did not work, I left her alone, but then she became worse. What should I do to stop such a psychologically disturbed person?

A：Keep your inner balance and peace.

网友：知理者，晓之以理。无理耍横者，何待？

学诚法师：跟随“道”，而非跟随“境”，才能真正远离烦恼，获得快乐。

Q：Master, we can reason with the reasonable. Yet how do we deal with those who are not?
A：If you can accept the way things are, but do not become that way yourself, you can truly keep away from trouble and find happiness.

网友：法师，当遇到一个比较自我，不能以平常心、包容心对自己的人，我该怎么去对待他呢？是用那句“你且看他”来对待吗？

学诚法师：他人怎么对我是他的事，我怎么对人是我的事。

Q：Master, what should I do when I meet a person who is self-centered, demanding, and intolerant? Should I just leave him to his own fate?

A：What others do is up to them, but what we do is up to us.

网友：想请教法师，如果因为他人的习气无法与之共处交往，选择拒绝交往是不是对他人的伤害？恳请法师指教。

学诚法师：在自己不能控制烦恼之时，可以保持距离，但内心不要排斥，发愿将来自己有能力时多帮助他。

Q： Master, I find it hard to get along with people who have bad habits, but if I try to avoid them, I fear it will hurt their feelings. What should I do?

A：If you cannot manage your emotions, then try to keep your contact to a minimum. But don't give up on the relationship. If you see a chance to help them, take it.

来源：学诚法师的微博　

Source：Microblogs of Ven. MasterXuecheng