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我们总是如此快速就对一个人产生了一个观念，给他们下结论。给另一个人贴标签、给他们一个概念性的身份，或是宣布对他们正义的评判，这些总是可以令自我的头脑感到满足。 每一个人思考和行为的方式都在某种程度上被制约了 – 他们受限于遗传基因、童年的经历和文化环境。 这不是他们的本质，而只是他们看上去的样子。当你宣告对某个人的评判，你将那些受到制约的头脑与真正的他们混淆了。这样做本身就是一个深深地受限的、无意识的模式。你给他们施加了一个概念性的身份，而那个错误的身份成为一个牢笼，囚禁了他们，也囚禁了你自己。 要放下评判不是说你看不见他们所做的。而是指你将他们的行为看作是一个受制约的外在形式，你看见它、接纳它如它所是。你没有为那个人建构一个身份。 这就将你和那一个人从对条件、外在形式、头脑的认同之中解放出来。自我不再掌控你的关系。 How quick we are to form an opinion of a person, to come to a conclusion about them. It is satisfying to the egoic mind to label another human being, to give them a conceptual identity, to pronounce righteous judgment upon them. Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways – conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment. That is not who they are, but that is who they appear to be. When you pronounce judgment upon someone, you confuse those conditioned mind patterns with who they are. To do that is in itself a deeply conditioned and unconscious pattern. You give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself. To let go of judgment does not mean that you don’t see what they do. It means that you recognize their behavior as a form of conditioning, and you see it and accept it as that. You don’t construct an identity out of it for that person. That liberates you as well as the other person from identification with conditioning, with form, with mind. The ego then no longer runs your relationships. § 只要自我在掌控着你的生命，你大多数的思想、情绪、行为都来自于欲望和恐惧。这样一来，在关系中，你要不就是索取对方的什么东西，要不就是害怕对方的什么东西。 你想从他们那里得到的也许是快乐，或是物质上的满足，或是认可、赞赏、关注，又或者是通过比较、通过确定你比别人懂得多、比别人拥有得多来获得一种自我感的强化。而你害怕的是情况也许正相反，你害怕他们在某些方面可能会损及你的自我感。 当你将注意力聚焦于当下 – 而不是把当下看做达到目标的手段 – 你就超越了自我，超越了不由自主地想利用别人达到目标，牺牲别人强化自己的无意识的冲动。当你全神贯注于任何一个与你互动的人，你将过去与未来摈弃在这关系之外，除非是为了处理实际问题。当你全然临在地与每一个你遇到的人互动，你抛弃了那个你曾经给他们下的定义 – 那个关于他们是谁和他们曾经做过什么的你的解读 – 你能够不带任何自我的欲望和恐惧与他们互动。注意力，也就是警觉的宁静，是关键所在。 能够在你的关系里超越欲望和恐惧是多么棒的一件事。爱不需要也不害怕任何事。 As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from the other person. What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or attention, or a strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way. When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention–instead of using it as a means to an end–you go beyond the ego and beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end being self-enhancement at the cost of others. When you give your fullest attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship, except for practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them–your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past–and are able to interact without the egoic movements of desire and fear. Attention, which is alert stillness, is the key. How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything. |
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