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原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www. 翻译：翻译加工厂 转载请注明出处 -------------译者：营养快线-审核者：hht288------------ ylan MacIntyre Quora's manic-depressive gaylord Answered Apr 22 5th grade just before winter break. 五年级刚好在寒假之前。 I was redecorating my locker after school when I heard this. 在听到这段对话的时候，我当时正在重新装饰我的储物柜。 Kid #1: Hey [Kid #2’s name]! You got the stuff? 孩子1：嘿[孩子2的名字]!你拿到那东西了吗? Kid #2: Yeah I had to sneak it past my mom. You got the other thing? 孩子2：当然，我避着我妈偷偷拿的。你拿到另一个东西了吗？ Kid #1: Heck yeah we’re gonna have so much fun. 孩子1：当然，我们可以爽一下了。 Kid #2: Totally dude. 孩子2：绝对的，哥们。 Kid #1: I’m so excited. Show me the stuff. 孩子1：我太开心了，给我看看那东西。 And I shit you not Kid #2 pulled out an entire pumpkin pie wrapped in aluminum foil out of his backpack and he and his friend took a quick sneak peek as if it were a briefcase with a million bucks. 大伙我讲真没骗你们（孩子2号）他从他的背包拿出用铝箔包裹号的一整个南瓜馅饼，然后他和他的朋友快速地偷瞄了一眼，就好像它是一个装有一百万美元的公文包。 T. Loginov upxed Sep 19 A girl 7 years old or so plays on a playground in a park her mother sits on a bench. The girl wears rather festive outfit white stockings dress shiny shoes and whatnot. 一个7岁左右的女孩在公园的操场上玩，她妈妈坐在长凳上。女孩穿着节日的服装，白色长袜、一身裙子和闪闪的鞋子等诸如此类的。 Mother: Stop sitting on the ground Lisa girls should not behave like that! Girl (in a very high-pitched voice): But daddy says these are gender stereotypes and nothing else! Mother (mouths almost silently): F*ck! 母亲：别坐在地上，丽莎，女孩子不应该那样做！ 女孩（声音非常高亢）：但是爸爸说这些都是性别刻板印象，没啥大不了的！ 母亲（嘴巴微动很小声说）：靠！ Jeremias Rößler Founder of ReTest (2014-present) Answered Jul 10 Overheard in the line at a local mart: Kid: Mom why has that woman such a big belly? Mom: That woman is pregnant which means she’s got a baby in her belly. Kid (so loud everybody hears it): Oh mom look! That man is also pregnant! 在当地一家超市的队列里不小心偷听到的： 小孩：妈妈，为什么那个女人肚子那么大？ 妈妈：那个女人怀孕了，这意味着她肚子里有个小宝宝。 孩子（很大声以至于每个人都听到了）：哦，妈妈，你看！那个男人也怀孕了！ -------------译者：谈笑风扔-审核者：roroho------------ Alexey Tereshchenko Freelance Translator (2000-present) Answered Jul 15 It was very funny. Well I need a preface. 这件事太搞笑了。我先交代下故事背景。 At the beginning of May Russians have two days off: 1 May is Labor Day and 9 May is Victory Day. Thus many people in Russia choose to take a small vacation and go to the countryside or abroad. For instance to Paris. 俄罗斯在五月初会放两天假：1号的劳动节和9号的卫国战争胜利日。因此很多俄罗斯人会选择去乡下或者出国休个短假。比如说去巴黎。 Once in May when I was living in Paris a friend of mine came to see me. Of course I had to show her the Eiffel Tower. 有一年五月，当时我在巴黎，有一位朋友来巴黎拜访我。毫无疑问我得带她看看艾菲尔铁塔。  Sorry. I had to put it here. 抱歉，我一定得把图贴这。 We took an elevator. There were about twenty-five or thirty people inside. 我们搭乘了一部电梯，里头大概有25到30个人。  Two of these people were Russian ladies in their fifties very excited and talking very loudly in Russian. Apparently they were sure that no one can understand them. - Katya this is fantastic! Paris this tower this elevator it is so fast ohhhhhhh it is better than an orgasm! - Manya how can you compare? When did you have your last orgasm? 这些人中有两位五十多岁的俄罗斯女士，她们非常兴奋，用俄语大声地交谈着。很显然她们确信没有人能听得懂她们说的话。 —卡佳，这真是太赞了！巴黎！埃菲尔铁塔！还有这电梯！真的是好快哦哦哦哦哦哦！比性高潮还爽！ —马尼亚，你怎么能拿那比较啊？再说你上次性高潮是什么时候的事了？ My friend and I made a supernatural effort to stay calm and not laugh. Someone in the lift let out a small giggle. One of the ladies suddenly looked around with apprehension. 我和我朋友用尽了洪荒之力才憋住笑保持一脸平静。但电梯里有个人忍不住发出了小声的笑声。其中一个女士突然很惊恐地看了看四周。 - Manya be careful! What if somebody understands Russian here! —马尼亚，咱说话得注意点，万一这儿有人能听得懂俄语该怎么办！ At that moment the whole elevator burst out laughing. People just could not stop. We laughed our heads off. Only one person in the elevator could not understand this sudden madness. All others were Russians. Evidently they all did their best not to laugh because no one wanted to embarrass the two ladies. But the last remark was too much for us. 这时整个电梯里的人都爆笑出声，大家根本停不下来。我们笑得脑壳都要掉了。电梯里只有一个人不明白为什么大家突然间跟疯了似的，除了他，电梯里的其他人全都是俄罗斯人。很明显他们每个人都尽了最大努力憋住笑，因为没人想让那两位女士觉得难堪。但是其中一位女士的最后一句话实在是让我们再也无法忍住不笑了。 The poor ladies blushing to the roots of their hair and avoiding to look at the others jumped out of the elevator when it arrived and tried to mix with the crowd. 两个可怜的女士脸红到了发根，压根不敢看其他的人。电梯一到她们就跳出电梯试图混迹到人群当中了。 -------------译者：谈笑风扔-审核者：roroho------------ Jennifer Warner Director of Matchmaking | Celebrity Matchmaker at Luxury Matchmaking Services upxed Dec 15 Changing in the Nordstorm dressing room in Stanford Shopping Center when I hear the girl next to me crying. 在斯坦福购物中心的诺德斯特龙更衣室换衣服的时候听到隔壁更衣间的女生在哭。 Me: “Do you need any help?” 我：“你需要帮忙吗？” Lady in the stall: “I can’t get out of this dress. Will you do me a favor and track down my boyfriend? He is supposed to be waiting for me outside the dressing room.” 隔间里的女生：“我脱不下这条裙子了。你能帮我个忙找下我的男朋友吗？他应该在更衣室外面等我。” The boyfriend was easy to find because he was the only guy standing there. He entered the dressing room with her and she explained how sorry she is for gaining weight and how terrible she feels because the dress is too small for her and all her clothing feels so tight. Nothing seems to fit! 她的男朋友很容易找到，因为他是站在那儿的唯一一个男人。他和她进了更衣室，她解释说她非常抱歉自己变胖了，还有她感到非常难过因为对她来说裙子太小了而且她的衣服都变得好紧，感觉简直没有哪件衣服她能穿了。 I returned to my stall to finish trying on the rest of my selected dresses. 我回到我的隔间继续试穿我挑选的衣服。 During that time I heard him tell her that he thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He continued on letting her know that he loves every curve of her body and that he hasn’t even noticed any weight gain at all. He said that he will prove his love. 就在我试衣服的期间，我听到男生对女孩说他觉得她是天底下最美的女人。他不断地告诉她：他爱她身体的每一条曲线，而且他完全没有注意到她哪里有变胖了。他说他会证明自己对她的爱。 I couldn’t see them but it sounded like he got down on one knee and said “Sweet beautiful love of mine; will you let me love every inch of you until the day that I die? I know I don’t have a ring but we can go pick one together right now. I have been dying to ask you? What do you think? 我看不到他们，但是听起来好像他单膝跪地了，然后对她说道：我的宝贝心肝，你愿意让我爱你身体的每一寸直到我死去吗？我知道我没有戒指但是我们可以现在一起去选一个。一直以来我想问这个问题想得都快疯了，你能答应我吗？ The girl burst into laughter. He says “what is it? Why are you laughing?” 那个女孩突然大笑了起来，他说：“怎么了？你笑什么？” Lady in the stall: “I tried on juniors sizes.” 隔间里头的妹子：“我试的是小码哦。”（译注：我觉得女生是故意穿的小码，然后自演自导自嗨....这么对你单纯认真的男朋友好嘛...） pause….. 世界突然就安静了...... Lady in the stall: “oh and yes of course I will marry you! But you are going to have to do the whole knee thing again one more time when we have the ring ok?” 隔间里的妹子：“哦！是的，我当然愿意嫁给你，但是我们买到戒指以后你得把这些单膝跪地的程序再来一遍，好不？” -------------译者：aspenblack-审核者：hht288------------ Caleb Chai Student at Xiamen University (2017-present) upxed Nov 5 I was at the bus stop when an old couple sat beside me. 我当时在公交站台，一对老夫妻坐在我旁边。 Husband: “Dear did you bring any cash?” 丈夫：“亲爱的，你带现金了吗？” Wife: “I tucked some money in your shirt pocket.” 妻子：“我塞了点钱在你衬衫口袋里。” Husband: “What about my p…” 丈夫：“那我的药...” Wife: “Your pills along with your wallet is in your bag. I also put a small umbrella just in case it rains.” 妻子：“你的药片连同你的钱夹我都一块儿放在你的包里了。我还放了一把小伞以防下雨。” Husband: “Now how do you know wh at I am going to say?” 丈夫：“这跟我讲讲你怎么知道我准备说啥的？” She snorted and replied: “We have been married for nearly fifty years young man.” 她哼了声，回道：“年轻人，我们已经结婚近五十年了。” The old man chuckled and she lay on his shoulder. 那个老男人轻笑，然后她靠着他的肩膀。  I melted internally that moment. 那瞬间我的内心都要融化了。 Diana Lucas Business Owner (1998-present) upxed Sep 2 Many years ago before I had any children I was at the supermarket shopping. A mom with a toddler walked by me. 在我还没小孩的多年前，我当时在超市购物。一个妈妈带着刚学会走路的小朋友走过我身边。 The toddler was at that bright inquisitive age where she never stops asking questions. The mother looked completely exhausted. 那个小朋友正处在对一切都充满好奇的年纪，她不停地提问题。她妈妈看上去完全是精疲力竭了。 As I was walking towards them with my child-less cart the kid pointed at me and asked her mom why I didn’t have a kid in my cart too. 当我推着我那没有小孩的推车向她们走去时，那个小朋友指着我问她妈妈为什么我的小车里也没带一个小朋友。 Without missing a beat the mom replied ‘Because she’s smart.’ 她妈妈一点停顿都没有就回道，“因为她聪明。” I laughed so hard I hurt my side but I waited until after she’d left the aisle. 我笑得都要内伤了（甚至撞到边上的商品了），但我等到她离开走道之后才笑出声。 |
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